To be transparent, another really hard part of coming out of lifelong trauma and being a survivor is the seeming delay or lack of fruition it can cause in your life of blessings, dreams and fulfillment of your destiny and calling. Does anyone relate to that? To be completely real, it is often difficult and painful to watch other people thrive and have great God-confidence and self confidence who are sometimes much younger than you, who seemed to have a way shorter time of waiting and preparation, and who are seemingly way more successful. I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others and vice versa and that jealousy isn't something we are to ruminate in, but it is a very real struggle for the survivor who feels like we've been forever climbing an exhaustingly steep mountain just to get to a place of healing and peace as the trauma of our past has had to come off in layers because it all went SO deep. It doesn't seem fair, but fair and jealousy speaks of comparison and life isn't a comparison game. Life should be about God's will and purpose for each individual and we should keep it that simple. There is a very real grief, though, when people must pay tangible, painful prices because of what was done to them or from the wounds the enemy inflicted on them. I know there is a higher truth, however, that there are also very real places of honor for survivors such as this in the Kingdom. There is a depth of humility, meekness and kinship with the sufferings of Christ that is developed in us that is expensive and rare. We have to stop looking at the precious people that we feel less than next to and start looking up and looking inward, but not in criticism and self-doubt. No, we must look with honor and wonder at what the Lord is doing in US too. We must walk away from and repent of the tendency to tear others down out of feelings of inferiority and know it's all really an illusion that will fade as we have more time walking with the Lord. We must remember those feelings are natural and part of the journey to restoration but not stay stuck in them. We simply must acknowledge them to God and thank Him for victory over such thoughts and feelings as we know He is building us up in Himself to a new and fresh perspective. We have to remember we are all so different and we have something just as unique to share and bless our neighbor through the pain even though we don't always FEEL it, we begin by WILLING it. A religious person might say they celebrate others and their victories with a smile on their face, scared to admit the truth creeping behind, but a real person would say they desperately WANT to always celebrate others victories and accomplishments but that they often fall short and are embracing the process with the Lord to get to a place where they really do. And...we must remember that if we suffer with or for Christ, that we will also glory with Him. We can be sure when we continue to persevere in God and continue to love and serve Him no matter what, that He is developing in us character, humility, and compassion that is rare. As the Scriptures say "He who forgiveth much, loveth much." (Ref. Luke 7:47) There are many people we will be able to relate to and reach that those who haven't been to the same depths of despair and pain and suffering simply won't have the same experiential knowledge to help. And we can be assured that the prices we might've paid and the things in life we weren't able to have or the things that seemed to be delayed because we were healing, will be for us as an eternal weight of glory and exceeding joy in the life to come, and an intimacy with Christ that is priceless.
Maybe there's more to the story than we have yet to see? But I know this, Jesus sees all and none of it will be wasted. None of the suffering, none of the time waiting while our wounds healed...NONE of it will be thrown away and forgotten because, to the Lord, that kind of journey is beyond price and is one of the nearest and dearest things to His heart. The martyrs, the ones forgotten by others, the suffering innocents...they have a great treasure awaiting them in Heaven. What a beautiful offering and testimony to the Lord is the life of an overcomer who's walked through the refiner's fire and gives Jesus all the glory!  If you are struggling in any of these ways, know you're not alone! I am still struggling through it all. We are seen and heard by God and we know He is just and faithful and true. We will come out of the process shining as gold and we can trust the Lord to finish the good work He began in us until the very end. Even if we don't see victory in this life over the things we so wrestle to overcome, we know we will have it in the life to come if we endure and keep standing in Christ and we can be assured by God, that it will all be worth it. 💗